1. |
Awake
02:53
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I could suffocate or call myself a fake until the day I’ve sworn no more. And my face is sore from calling out, from reaching down to face my fears and now I’ve found here in the day I fall awake to find my way, but I can’t see the door anymore. And my face is sore from calling out, from reaching down to drink my fears away and I’ve found myself. I’ll concentrate, alleviate my selfish ways when I feel insecure. And my faith is torn from calling out, from reaching out to fill my cup again and I can’t pretend to understand or comprehend the world and what could be beyond the sun anymore. So my faith is torn from calling out, from reaching out to find an answer now that I can’t control.
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2. |
Consuming
03:55
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I feel it in the cold with the snow falling down. I hear it in my voice without making a sound. I hear them calling out, the voices from below; a glimpse of them surrounding me whilst the clouds move in slowly and I fall into it. I fall, consuming all of me. If I call could I rectify my situation to see? And if I fall would it take everything away from me that I’ve held so near? Oh, my death is all I have to hold onto. I can feel myself calling out in all the wrong directions. If I call could I rectify my situation to see? And if I fall would it take everything away from me that I’ve held so near? I could fall a thousand times and I would still feel the same. I don’t know why but I can’t stop thinking that nothing will ever change. Through the years I kept to myself and I hoarded the blame when everyone else was happy and I still felt the same damn way.
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3. |
Fight, Flight, or Freeze
03:32
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Frozen in time, or maybe just caught up in my mind. The thought of moving just scares me half to death. Fighting my mind one step at a time. Confrontation with myself, the world keeps passing by. I’ve seen it all before and still I keep coming back for more. There’s a catacomb facing a hill, a murderer facing my reflection. I died to myself. I caught a fever that I won’t be able to break. Fighting the mind one step at a time. Confrontation with myself, my mind seems to melt. I’ve seen it all before and still I keep coming back for more. I caught on to a dream inside. I’m running towards a light. This time I’ll never reach it. I’ll never, no I’ll never. Is it real or a test? A suspicion of my past? I’m caught in the drag and I’m frozen. I’m frozen.
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4. |
Presupposed
04:09
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How am I supposed to feel when I can’t feel a thing? How am I supposed to think when I don’t know what to say? What am I supposed to do when I don’t know what’s true? What am I supposed to do when all I had was you, but I don’t feel you? I don’t feel you. I spent some time just walking around thinking ‘bout my life again and looking back I can’t help thinking this is how it should have been. Nervous days and worn out nights turning to the lions’ den coupled with your chosen few to remind me I’m broken. Tell me, what’s the reason for all this emptiness? How am I supposed to be when I can’t even focus? Tell me how to do this when I don’t know what’s true and show me how to focus when all I had was you, but I don’t feel you. I don’t feel you. I spent some time just walking around thinking ‘bout my life again and looking back I can’t help thinking this is how it should have been. Nervous days and worn out nights turning to the lions’ den coupled with your chosen few to remind me I’m broken. I’m not broken. I’m not broken yet. I’m not broken. I’m not broken, I’m not broken. Not yet. How am I supposed to feel when I can’t feel a thing?
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5. |
Whirlwind
04:14
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Here’s a sacrament for a life worth living lost in a whirlwind that kept me spinning out. I just want out. And I want forgiveness, but I don’t deserve a sacrifice to keep me spinning out. I just want out. All the times I thought I was alone, you couldn’t hold me back and yet you wouldn’t take me home. I never stood a chance on seeing myself through. You always wanted me to be something brand new. I’ve been awake since 5AM trying to write down all my sins, trying to make sense of it all. My fingertips are frozen from the blood rushing down. Maybe there’s a correlation. Maybe it’s the combination. Spiraling, as the ink in my pen takes the form of my veins. Spiraling, my brain whirls to gray in a pixelated mess. All the times I thought I was alone, you couldn’t hold me back and yet you wouldn’t take me home. I never stood a chance on seeing myself through. You always wanted me to be something brand new, but here’s some news for you. I branched out, out of doubt, and I found myself. It’s true. Oh, you’ve got me spinning back and forth and upside down. Oh, you’ve got me spinning. Now I can’t see the sky or ground. Oh, you’ve got me spinning back and forth and upside down. Oh, you’ve got me spinning. Now I can’t see the sky or ground. I may not have all of the answers, but at least I have this farewell. No longer are my sights in the distance. I’m taking back my life and I’m doing it well.
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6. |
Aladnam
04:23
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I’ve fought for so long, but this time I can’t hold back from things that I’ve thought were wrong and even now I struggle just to keep track. It’s been that way all along, fighting for a chance to find my own path. I thought I had seen it all, that I let go of everything no holding back. All I knew was running into an escape. All I knew was running. You’re ever so inviting from the calm in your stance to the way you romance and I’m caught up in this writing from the start in my mind until I’m done in no time and I can’t see through the pain. Is it shelter? Is it strife? I keep cursing my name. I can’t see through this pain. I’ll take hold of my life and I’ll try to reclaim. I’ll recount the words when we felt just fine and I’ll retrace the steps that we took in time. Around and around, back and forth like a pendulum close, so close to the floor that’s where we are. [It’s] where we are. All I knew was running into an escape, but not anymore. You’re ever so inviting from the calm in your stance to the way you romance and I’m caught up in this writing from the start in my mind until I’m done in no time and I can’t see through the pain. Is it shelter? Is it strife? I keep cursing my name. I can’t see through this pain. I’ll take hold of my life and I’ll try to reclaim. I’m not running anymore. I’m not running anymore.
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7. |
Dust
03:45
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Ashes to ashes, dust to a broken urn. Here in thought, but not by sight to frequencies unheard. Calling out with frozen hands, I can see you smile. Even after all this time I’ll wait here for a while. I’m not home ‘cause I’m not where you are. I’m not home, I’m not home ‘cause I’m not where you are. Failures made of broken dreams, to sights of black and blue flashing back to all those times, time well spent with you. Will I keep my thoughts intact, or will I see them all undone? Without your voice here calling me, I perceive I’m only one. I’m not home ‘cause I’m not where you are. I’m not home, I’m not home ‘cause I’m not where you are. Can we call it all off if I’m falling apart? My world’s lost without you. I can’t live without you. Can we call it all off if I’m falling apart today? Can we call it all off if I’m falling apart? My world’s lost without you. I can’t live without you. Can we call it all off if I’m falling apart today?
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8. |
Transcend
03:51
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I’ve never felt quite this low. My mind is on the mend. I couldn’t get you out of it, can’t begin to comprehend the ways in which you overcome, the curse that you’ve broken while fighting off your own demons, the worlds that you transcend. I can’t figure out all the mysteries you hold and I’m trying to hold out for the stories left untold. I’ve never felt quite so numb. I can’t keep it out. Thoughts of inadequacies, they start to weigh me down. I’m fighting off my own demons you can’t seem to comprehend. Even though I want to I just can’t let you in. I’m trying to figure out all the mysteries you hold and I’ve been holding out for the stories left untold. Why can’t I be the person to give you what you need? I gave you the run around ‘cause I didn’t want you to see all my flaws surrounding me. I was afraid that you would leave, but now I’m looking down as you commit on bended knee. I’ve been figuring out all the mysteries you hold and I’ll keep holding out for the stories left untold.
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9. |
Paint
03:46
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I couldn’t see myself caught in the distance, empty but awake, and stuck in my ways. I wouldn’t know my place even if all of my flaws weren’t there in front of my face. [I am] empty but awake. I blend in with the walls, covered in paint just to hide all my flaws. Yellow to prove my fear, and gray to make everything seem unclear. Blue as a wave that’s kicking up the sand, and wreaking a havoc with both of my hands. I’ve known it all my life while the world passes by. Strung out in pieces, cut me alive. Heart left in shambles and left out to dry. I’m shaken, yet frozen out in space. I’m a wretched fever whose hide is too tough to break. The world is encompassing all of my fears and all of my dreams and everything. I cannot shake it, even if it’s true. I’ll keep you guessing that’s just what I do. I’m purple to mask my humble estate, and white to make everything seem okay. Green in my mindset, a stone on a hill that’s privileged to be there as time stands still. There’s writing on the walls and colors fade and sooner or later I’m getting torn apart.
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10. |
The Orchid
03:59
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I’ll sleep off the weight that’s been pulling me down today. No checks on my list and I’m full of regrets, but I can’t say I didn’t try. So tie me to a chair and let me be eaten by the wolves in my mind. I won’t break out or fight. I’ll stay right by your side so I won’t have to face the world outside alone. There’s probably light piercing through some dark, but it’s not mine. There’s probably some hope out there but I can’t find it. I’m lost inside myself, and I can’t reach out for anyone else. There’s a pain inside my chest, and I’m sinking. This is yours from me to you. A symbol of my heart and gratitude. This is ours and we made it. No matter what they say it’s all true. That I would die just to give you all the things you see in me. And I would die just to be the person you think of me. I’m lost inside myself, and I can look out for anyone else. There’s a pain inside my chest, and it’s taking me down. In this space, in this screened in porch, there’s a flicker. In this way, my eyes are drawn to the orchid. For a moment, I hear your voice as mine. And if there’s hope, I know I want to find it.
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